Society’s standard of beauty has changed many times over the centuries. During the 20th century alone, we saw the pendulum swung from the buxom Gibson Girls of the 1910s, to the boyishly svelte Flappers of the 1920s, back to the curvy bombshells of the 1930’s, 40s and 50s, then back again to the waif-thin Twiggy’s of the 1960s. The 1970s brought us the pin-up girls and the 1980s was the rise of the swim-suit supermodels. Then the pendulum swung back again in the 1990s and we saw the androgynous, “heroin chic” look in all the magazines. The beginning of the 21st century saw the rise of toned models with visible abs and spray tans, and we come full circle again in the 2010s with the bootylicious Kim Kardashian and Nicki Minaj.
Venus of Willendorf, definitely Zaftig!
The Venus of Willendorf is a paleolithic sculpture believed to have been carved from limestone between 25,000 and 30,000 years ago. Figurines like this, with their exaggerated sexual features, are thought to have represented fertility goddesses.
Venus Wounded by a Thorn by Peter Paul Rubens
For centuries, Venus, the Goddess of Love, was the ideal of beauty. This painting is Venus Wounded by a Thorn by Peter Paul Rubens, c1606-09. This is where we get the term Rubenesque. Rubens did not depict the ideal woman as super skinny with huge breasts, a big, round booty, and a thigh gap. All his women were bumpy, lumpy and fluffy, yet were still considered beautiful.
There has been a huge push in recent years for body positivity and acceptance, not only from others but from yourself as well. I used to be thin, even after having two children, but I developed an endocrine condition which caused me to steadily put on weight. Luckily, I don’t have any of the usual health conditions that go with carrying extra weight around. I will never look like a Victoria’s Secret model, but I am healthy and I am happy with who I am, which is more important to me. I am Zaftig and my self-worth is not dependent on what others think about me.
Being young at heart doesn’t mean you are immature. It really just means you have a youthful outlook on life, even if you are older. I am a grandmother, but in my mind, I still feel like I did when I was in my twenties. My body may not work as well as it did, by my mind is still sharp, and I sure hope it stays that way.
As our bodies inevitably grow older, it may seem like a losing battle to stay young at heart, but here are a few tips:
Remember that age is just a number. Stop stigmatizing aging. The only limitations are the ones we put on ourselves.
Don’t worry so much about what you see in the mirror. Those gray hairs and wrinkles are manifestations of all the amazing things we have accomplished in our lives.
Maintain a positive attitude. Think and talk positively. Quit grumbling and complaining. And stay away from energy vampires.
Live an active lifestyle. Take a walk, try Tai Chi, or do water aerobics to maintain fitness and flexibility.
Keep your mind sharp. Do crossword puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, and other games that require multiple cognitive abilities to challenge your brain.
Be a social butterfly. Community Centers and Senior Centers offer a variety of activities at reasonable prices. You will have fun, make new friends and it will help stave off loneliness and depression.
Challenge yourself to learn something new. Take up a new hobby. Learn to cook, paint, make pottery, or dance. Take a class, or sign up for websites like Craftsy or Skillshare. And many people share tutorials for free on YouTube.
Take a listen to this classic song, Young at Heart by the amazing Frank Sinatra!
This was a difficult one. I really wanted to use a word that actually started with the letter X instead of cheating and using a word that had an X in it, like “eXtroverted”, which I had already used for the letter E. I ended up going to the dictionary and reading all the X words until I found one that I felt described me best. And I am happy to say that Xenodochial fits me to a tee. I don’t believe in being rude to people and always try to share a smile with anyone I pass along the way. I will chit-chat with strangers in line at the store or that I sit near on the train. I don’t force conversation if they don’t want to talk, but I am usually the one who initiates it.
Will Rogers said, “A stranger is just a friend I haven’t met yet.” And I grew up hearing Mr. Rogers ask, “Won’t you be my neighbor?” Obviously, not all strangers can become friends, and you want to be safe, but I think it is much nicer to start with the attitude that strangers are potential friends.
I have been in customer service for over twenty years and have had to deal with unhappy customers from time to time. Being human, I know that I am much more likely to go above and beyond for the person who asks nicely. Because of this, I am as nice as possible with people who are serving me, whether it is the waitstaff at a restaurant or when trying to return a purchase. I had a boyfriend once who had ordered his meal without onions, but when it came, there were onions on it. He was so angry, he dumped his plate and smeared his food all over the table and left. I was mortified! And what purpose did that serve? The person who had to clean it up was not the one who made the food, so they were punished for something they didn’t even do, and the one who made the mistake never even knew about it. Plus, if he had just asked, they would have remade his food and may have even given him a discount or a free meal. Instead, he was out the money for the meal and was still hungry, so he had to wait even longer and pay for another meal. He became my ex-boyfriend not long after that.
Peanuts Hucko performing at the North Sea Jazz Festival in The Hague, Netherlands, July 13, 1986. Photo by Frans Schellekens/Redferns
Michael “Peanuts” Hucko was an Air Force veteran who served in WWII and I met him while working at the VA Hospital in Dallas. While I was helping him, we began chatting and it came up that he played clarinet. I told him I did, too. I didn’t know he was famous! During the war, he served in Europe playing with the Glenn Miller Army Air Force Band. In the 70’s he performed many times on the Lawrence Welk Show and even had his own nightclub in Denver, where his wife Louise would sing. I told him that I had a poem about clarinet players and I would print a copy of it for him. The next time he came in, I gave him the poem and gave me an autographed copy of one of his CDs, which I still have today. I could have just performed my duties and treated him like any other veteran, but, because I took the time to talk to him, I had an unforgettable experience. Mr. Hucko died in 2003 at 85 years old. He was a super nice man and I am glad I got to meet him.
Being xenodochial goes together with my other personality traits, like being extroverted, optimistic, kind-hearted, and of course, loquacious! But I have gained more than just friendship from talking to strangers. As I said before, I even found out about a new job opening where I worked because I struck up a conversation with a lady while commuting on the train. I was stuck in a job with no promotion potential, but applying for and getting hired for that new job has lead to my current position which is six whole paygrades higher than I was when I met her! It took me a while, but I would never have known about that job if I had just kept to myself on that train.
I believe that what goes around, comes around. It always pays to be kind, even if they aren’t kind in return. If nothing else, it makes me feel good, and if it makes someone else feel good, too, it’s even better.
As an artistic soul, I have never quite fit in with everyone else. I have never been much of a follower and always marched to the beat of a different drummer. I was never fashionable, or popular, and pretty much just did my own thing without bothering to worry what others think about me.
Albert Einstein – Poking Tongue, painting by Jos Coufreur
While I don’t consider myself to be a genius by any means, many geniuses, inventers, and very innovative people are considered weird or eccentric. They often stand out from society, are idiosyncratic, and live unconventional lives. Nicola Tesla, the famous physicist and inventor, was weirdly obsessed with pigeons and would spend hours feeding them in the park, even going so far as to bring injured pigeons home to nurse them back to health. And Leonardo da Vinci, the original Renaissance Man, wasn’t a fan of sleeping, so he took multiple short naps a day instead of sleeping only at night. He was also left-handed and employed mirror-writing, but that was most likely to avoid smearing the ink with his hand.
Left to right: Nikola Tesla and Leonardo da Vinci.
If you are a weirdo like me, here’s an interesting article by Charlie Gilkey of Productive Flourishing to help you figure out if you have what he calls the Weirdo Syndrome.
I have always been kind of a weirdo, and that is not a bad thing. It’s the weirdos that think outside the box and see things, not as they are, but how they might be. They are the ship’s captains not afraid to sail off the edge of the earth. They are the astronauts, the pioneers, and the bold adventurers forging new paths for themselves and for mankind.
I come from a long line of military veterans going back to the American Revolution. During the 20th century, both of my parents served in the Air Force, I served in the Navy as a Data Systems Technician, which later merged with Electronics Technician. I reached the rank of Petty Officer Third Class, or E-4.
I went to recruit training at the Naval Training Center in Orlando, Florida and was in Company K123. There were about 80 women in my company and we slept in bunk beds in open bay barracks, which is just one huge room. There was no privacy at all.
After boot camp, I spent two years in technical training at Combat Systems Technical Schools Command (CSTSC) at Mare Island, California learning electronics and how to fix certain computer and peripheral equipment before I was sent to the Fleet.
I was then sent to the USS Emory S Land, a sub-tender which was home ported at Naval Operations Base, Norfolk, Virginia. I joined the Navy to see the world, but our ship rarely even left port.
Being unflappable means you stay calm in the chaos. It doesn’t mean you don’t understand the importance of what is happening or that you don’t take it seriously. It just means you don’t get worked up over everything. Staying calm allows you to think things through before reacting, or worse yet, over-reacting.
We are hard-wired with the fight or flight response and for much of human existence, our survival depended on it. Most situations are not life or death. Staying calm lets us process the situation and pick the best strategy for moving forward.
Being unflappable means you don’t overreact. Emotions are contagious. Anger can escalate an already volatile situation. Staying calm during a disagreement fosters more effective communication and can actually defuse the situation.
A little bit of stress can be good for us. It can help motivate us to stay focused so we can reach our goals. But over time, stress can take a toll on our bodies and minds. It raises adrenaline and cortisol levels, which increase our heart rate and blood pressure, and feeling constantly stressed out can lead to heart disease, weight gain, insomnia, depression, and other conditions.
You don’t need to move to the mountains and become a yoga master to become a calmer person. One of the easiest and most important things you can do is focus on breathing. Visualize calming places or things, close your eyes and practice slow, controlled breathing.
Hear are some other ways to decrease stress and have a calmer life:
Get enough sleep.
Eat a healthy diet, or at least minimize junk food.
Unplug from technology, especially social media.
Nurture yourself. Take a walk, or a nap. Get a massage, or listen to relaxing music.
Being unflappable doesn’t mean I never have a bad day, get stressed out, or overreact. I just strive to be positive, do my best, try to remain calm, and realize that life goes on. In the end, that’s all any of us can really do.
According to the Oxford dictionary, a talented person is someone who has a natural aptitude or skill for something. As I said in the Jack of All Trades post, I can do a lot of different things, though I’m not really an expert in any of them. What I am is open-minded and willing to try new things, so that gives me the ability to learn new things pretty easily. Skills can always be improved and every skill you learn becomes the foundation for the next skill.
I really love making things with my hands. Some of my talents include painting in oil and acrylic, playing clarinet and ukulele, making jewelry, knitting and crocheting, sewing and quilting.
Not everything I make is decorative. I can make useful items, too, like afghans and quilts, warm hats, mittens, and scarves, and I can sew clothing as well, though I don’t think I will win any fashion shows. I like to think that these talents could save my life some day. If the zombie apocalypse ever happens, I can barter with the things I’ve made. And I’m pretty sure the preppers won’t be raiding the local Michael’s for yarn and fabric.
You are never too old and it is never too late to try something new. Grandma Moses started painting in her late seventies. She entered some of her paintings in the county fair and they didn’t even win any prizes! but she never gave up and was still painting up until her death at 101 years old. Everyone has a talent, you just need to keep trying new things until you discover it.
To be sensible is to make choices based on wisdom or prudence, or what will likely provide the most benefit. A sensible person is practical, reasonable, and realistic. It is carrying an umbrella because it might rain later, or saving money for an emergency instead of spending every dime.
Almost all actions seem sensible to the person at the time. We all make mistakes, but the sensible thing to do is learn from them. Being sensible doesn’t mean you can never have fun or you have to settle for less. You should know your limits, but it doesn’t mean you can’t stretch them.
For me, though, being sensible also means to make sense of things. I hate to do something because that’s the way it’s always been done or just because someone says so. I’m not a monkey pushing buttons, I want to know why that button needs to be pushed and what happens when I push it. I don’t want to do something just because that’s the way it’s always been done. If I can find a better way to do something, I want to try it.
George Carlin once asked, “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” We all tend to be biased and think our way is the best, but the sensible thing to do is keep an open mind. You might learn something.
Someone who is resilient has the ability to be knocked down by the hardships of life and come back at least as strong as they were before. They are able to change course, heal emotionally, and continue moving towards their goals.
Resilient people bend without breaking, like the willow in the wind. Being resilient also decreases stress. You can learn to be more resilient. In her book, “How to be Resilient”, Anna Barnes offers tips, assertive statements and activities, and shows how you can be a more flexible, strong, and resilient you.
Life is going to throw you a curve ball, it’s just a matter of time. Resilience is getting back up every time you fall down. You haven’t failed until you quit.
I have had a lot of negative things happen to me in my life, but I don’t let them define me. As Carl Jung once said, “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
I have always been a little different. I am not a stereotypical girl. I was the kid who always asked, “Why?” I don’t follow the crowd, whether it be fashion or some other fad. I like what I like because I like it, not because some celebrity says I should. I am a geek and an artist. I like sci-fi and action films. And my taste in music can only be described as schizophrenic.
I march to the beat of my own drum. I’m not really worried what people may think of me. There’s a line in the song, “Garden Party” by Ricky Nelson that always stuck with me. “It’s all right now, I learned my lesson well. You see, you can’t please everyone, so you got to please yourself.” It doesn’t mean for you to be selfish, it just means that it’s impossible to please everyone, no matter what you do.
Standards change over time. What is considered “weird” now, may be “normal” next week, or next month, or next year. The bottom line is to be true to yourself and it will all work out in the end.
HootOwl Handicrafts 